I live with high functioning anxiety. Which means on the outside to someone who doesn’t know me very well you’d think I was your average mom. On the inside however, I’m kind of a mess. I’m always worried, I have racing thoughts and Often suffer from Insomnia. I worry about not pleasing the people I love, I also have a hard time saying “no” and at the same time really don’t want to say yes. I often over fill my schedule. Oh and I always need a schedule. I show up to things early and count down until its time to go home. I am an enigma.
Being a mom with high functioning anxiety I’m always arguing with myself (no not in a multiple people in my head way, more in a ‘The Mom I yearn to be’ VS ‘The mom my anxiety is allowing me to be today’ kinda way. I want my daughter to have a fun and fulfilled childhood, but I can’t always provide that for her. I want to be a part of your play date, and in your mops group, but I also want to be sick thinking about entering a room full of strangers who may judge the fact that I haven’t washed my hair in 4 days.
I live with a schedule. Even as a stay at home mom, my day is scheduled out.
- 7am wake up
- 7:15 cartoons while I make coffee and breakfast
- 7:30 breakfast
- 8 play time
- 10:30 nap time
- clean up
- prep dinner
- make lunch
- 1:30 nap ends- lunch time
- husband home
- dinner time
- mom and dad TV time
An outing takes days in advance notice. I want to be the spontaneous splash pad trip mom but I just cant. I need time to prepare to be around other moms. I have to psyche myself up for it. I’m great at meeting strangers and having conversations but I need a nap when I get home because I’ve been performing as a pinterest perfect mom all afternoon.
Please don’t stop inviting me out with you. I love that you want me involved. Please know that I know I’m a little over the top when I host the playdate (I’m worried you’ll judge me, even though I know you aren’t). I am always tired, I live on coffee. I’ll host every play date if that means I don’t have to be in a crowded place, or somewhere loud, and chaotic. And if you ever need a meal plan, or a schedule, itinerary, positive affirmations I’m your girl.
If you also have High Functioning anxiety as a Mom I’d love to hear how you cope, and mom to the best of your ability.